Member-only story
A Conspiracy of Non-Metaphorical Fruit
1.
He never went on many dates, so he was determined not to muck this one up. She was a voluptuous knock-out, and because of it, he was all the more in disbelief that she had said yes. Which in turn meant he was now a twitchy bundle of nerves despite his desire to stay cool and collected.
As they sat there in a little downtown bistro, he mentioned how much he was looking forward to their after dinner entertainment.
“I’ll be honest with you,” she said. “I don’t have the attention span for some silly movie.”
“But it’s not silly. It has Meryl Streep.”
“What I mean is that movie-watching is a passive activity, and I’m looking for something a little more active.” On the word ‘active’, she snaked a foot up his pant leg.
“Er, what did you have in mind?” He was now stammering as he spoke. It made her giggle.
“Well, why don’t we go back to your place and figure it out there?” She was saying this playfully, but he could picture the clock of her impatience ticking down, down, down. Time to lower the boom that normally ended the date.
“There’s one small problem,” he began, shifting uncomfortably.
“What is it? Are you a virgin?”
